The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
