i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
