Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
