I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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