That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
