just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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