I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
