It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
