ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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