If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
