not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
