A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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