she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
