I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
