bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
