I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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