I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
