:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
time to smoke my breakfast
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
