Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
