If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
