i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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