4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
