Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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