if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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