I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
