You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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