Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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