My friends, they love my intelligence
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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