Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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