using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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