You just made me feel so damn special
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
