The best revenge is premature balding
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
