If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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