I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
