I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
