I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
