good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
