I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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