respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
