dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
