I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
