In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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