I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
