i love accidental penises.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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