I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had to cum in my sink.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
