Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I checked into jail on foursquare
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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