Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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