Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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