i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There r osticjed everywhere
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
