I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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