I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Enjoy the penises
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
